Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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