Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
