I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
