Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
