Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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