Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
