The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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