I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
