In the future we'll all be gay
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Randomize
