Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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