I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Randomize
