he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize