If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
