Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
