Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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