took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
