VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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