you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
