Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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