i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
