apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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