I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You made out with two different species that night
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize