Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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