Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
