you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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