my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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