my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
