i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
