The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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