So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Are my feet made of real feet?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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