Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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