Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I hate all girls vehemently.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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