So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
