Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize