I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
