my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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