I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
