ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize