Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
