the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
