I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
