My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
