guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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