eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
