Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I wish you could order shots online.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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