No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Two words: blizzard sex
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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