did you get engaged???
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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