Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize