The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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