Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize