K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
