I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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