its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
honey bunches of taint.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
