it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
