this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
