Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
