Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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