Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Houston, we have a blender
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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