so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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