I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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