So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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