I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
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