Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
They are going to name an STD after you.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize