Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
