What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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