I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
