you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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