The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
